For some years now I’ve watched pundits on TV and read books giving advice on “what men like”. And they all seem to agree all men only like women who are thin, fashionable and sexy. I think over the men I’ve known from my dad and uncles to college friends and beyond and I wonder who the guys are that these pundits are talking about.
First, the idea that there’s only one kind of man and every single one has exactly the same taste in women is ludicrous, particularly as a universal claim. In the world there are men who like women with stacks of rings around their necks, with distended lips, with saris, with grass skirts, etc. Native culture has a lot to do with what’s considered beautiful and the array is enormous. In our diverse culture if you step outside the A-list places in New York and L.A. (and A-list wannabes) and look at real people you see happily married people who are fat, thin, plain, unfashionable, garish, dumb, smart, etc. Seems to me for just about every type of person and every look there are people who are attracted to their type and/or look.
I was a hippie and I’ve tended to hang out with folks who are or were hippies. Hippie men don’t like—or trust—women who dress in high fashion or women who wear high heels. Women who get high – different matter. Hippie women wear Birkenstocks, Mexican “peasant” shirts, jeans or yoga pants and often don’t shave and that’s what hippie men like.*
Lots of men I’ve known have had deep feelings for their girlfriends or wives and have talked to me with uncertainty and anxiety about their relationships on many fronts but never a worry over whether everyone would perceive their girlfriends as fashionable enough. They’ve usually chosen women who were really smart and/or really talented and not at all fashionable.
I’m tired of people trying to make women feel inadequate and especially those who want them to feel they’ll never find love if they fail to meet some model or starlet standard of beauty and style. The men who are attracted to that are usually not too interested in the woman as a person (whole other post some day) and it’s questionable how well the interest will survive aging.. There are all kinds of men out there. Find the kind who thinks you’re great instead of re-making yourself to be what you think someone else wants.
* I’m talking about the original hippies. The current crop of those who call themselves hippies don’t seem to follow the same rule book…