Okay, I give. I actually really gave up at the end of last week I think, I just couldn’t quite surrender officially. Today, I’ve looked at how things are going and figured I’m not getting to 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo by the end of the month and wow, the relief.
When I signed up I didn’t really take a realistic look at other things coming up in my life, I just decided to give myself a kick to go back to the novel I set aside long ago. And I’m not sorry I got it moving—36 pages done so far feels like a great start. And I’m not giving up on the book, just on bashing myself to try to hit the goal so fast.
I was already behind when I got to Friday last week, but moving along. However the moving along on the novel meant I didn’t finish the manual project for my movement classes (although the work I DID do was why I got behind on the novel) which meant that I couldn’t offer the download as available for my class last Saturday.
Thanks to the ongoing issues with the muscles in my face I slept zero hours on Friday night and then taught a movement class for six hours on Saturday. By the end of the day I felt like someone stuck a pin in me and let out all my air. By today not only had my blog stuff and my novel project fallen behind but I’ve also gotten so far behind on grocery shopping and prep for Thanksgiving that we’re not having it until Sunday. At least not the dinner. Thanks we can give on Thursday…
I’ve never liked to give up – and being this far out of sync with so many projects at once takes me way out of my comfort zone. But long illness has meant that most of the time for many years I wouldn’t even have contemplated taking all of this on and I wouldn’t have gotten even this far. That I managed to write some posts, do a bunch of work on the manual, teach (and prep for) a workshop and still write 36 pages of a novel tells me I’m in better shape than I’ve been in in years.
The every other night sleeping thing is getting pretty old but the good news is my vision has improved even more (see post) and Kreig says everything is opening up very nicely. My whole body is changing and, while I’m not crazy about the sleep deprivation, if that’s what it takes to be healthy, so be it. And that means I also accept that exhausted me gets less done…
NaNoWriMo also took me out of my rut. The poor health thing has narrowed my world and getting out to some of the writing events shook up my complacence. It also feels good to just be willing to say, “I can’t do this,” instead of pushing myself to do too much. And I think the delayed manual and the late dinner and the put-off novel will all be better for me slowing it down to do each of them well. So, although I’m surrendering the pressure of feeling that I must meet the 50,000 word goal, I don’t feel that I’ve lost.