Don’t say it. I know. I’m getting more and more behind. I’m now on a path labeled, “I’ll do what I can.”
Assignment 4 asks us to reflect on something we lost and to do it over several posts (so imagine my surprise when there was a different assignment the next day…). My biggest loss is really about gain. When I started seeing a therapist in 1985 who had an offbeat practice that used meditation and affirmations and past life regression. When I decided I needed therapy, I knew she was the one I had to see.
At the time I was deeply unhappy and, in hindsight, startlingly lacking self-awareness. I just wanted to be happier. Or at least less unhappy. I’m glad no one told me how dramatically my life would change once I started down that path. I doubt that I’d have had the courage to begin.
I withdrew from the world in many ways at a very early age. Though I began as an extrovert, by late elementary school I was pretty much an introvert. That introversion progressed until I couldn’t do anything that involved public speaking. I’d even withdraw from any class that required participation as part of the grade.
Though I always had some wonderful friends, I always felt on edge, sure that I’d do something wrong or that they’d find out how deep my flaws ran. When I became popular in college and my early twenties I was a fish out of water. Didn’t know how to date or relate or handle any of it. So mostly I handled it badly.
By the time I graduated from law school I felt miserable all the time. I didn’t want to be a lawyer. I’d failed in every “romantic” relationship I’d ever had. I didn’t know what to do with myself or how to be. I was neurotic and anxious.
When Michele, my therapist, handed me Jane Roberts‘ Nature of Personal Reality, taught me to meditate and gave me affirmations, I felt right with the world for the first time ever. I loved it, ate it up. I spent hours and hours in my spare time, reading metaphysics, meditating, watching videos of Lazaris and going to classes on meditation, yoga and channeling. Feeling happier showed up quickly. I’ve been slowly evolving ever since, but it took some years to reach a place where I could look back and realize I’d changed. And how much baggage I’d shed.
More about that next time!